Unwanted Guest

Sunlight casting shadows on barren trails is an unusual sight to see in winter here on the West Coast, and today I was fortunate enough to capture it. Most days, rain sodden grass and a veil of water is what we Vancouverites are used to experiencing; it's how we live in the winter.  As a result, for people in places where sunlight is at a premium in winter months, many experience SAD (seasonal affective disorder), or more commonly known as the "winter blues".  This type of depression looms from November to April, which makes these months miserable.  The lack of sun pushes circadian rhythms out of whack, which causes problems for serotonin levels, leaving you feeling exhausted, depressed, and sometimes a bit anti-social.  For mild sufferers dealing with the host of symptoms, a few more hours outside, or a trip to a sunny destination can help. Other more serious cases may need to seek medical attention.  I classify myself closer to the milder end of the spectrum.  I may not need medication, but I do need to be mindful of my moods and really push myself out of lower ones.

The first few weeks of November are the toughest as I never really see it coming.  It's like how we never notice when it starts to get dark at 4:30 pm; it just does one day.  I like to think that maybe one year it won't show up, so I don't wait around for it.  This year has been really tough so far, and I'm not sure why.  It could be the extra stress at work, or the fact I miss my sister and her family, or my body chemistry could be changing, as well.  The biggest difference has been the crazy two week bout with insomnia that literally drove me insane.  This is certainly not a common symptom, but lack of sleep certainly doesn't help the other ones.  If you noticed something was a bit off about me in the last month well SAD was to blame.  I've noticed I am tenser, touchier and so very tired; not exactly friendly qualities.  Last Thursday it all hit like a wave.  I found myself still awake at 4:30 a.m. in tears, sitting on the couch with my faithful companion Triggs, as all I wanted to do was sleep.  After two weeks of this I knew I had to do something.  I went to the doctor and we figured out that 'the winter blues" had come for a visit and brought his bag of symptoms to share.  "Of course", I almost shouted, "SAD".  This happens every year.  He suggested a low dose of melatonin to help make me catch a few winks for this week and regular exercise to help release the 'feel good' hormones.  And I prescribed myself time under my sunlamp and to get outside when it is glorious out, like today.  Knowing what to expect makes my winter blues easier to manage.  When I feel anti-social, which is the biggest symptom of mine, I force myself to visit "comforting" friends.  Those people who really accept you.  The type of people you can sit in a room with and not feel pressure to fill the air constantly with chatter, but can appreciate a moment of silence without it being awkward.

It's in these times I am reminded of a painting entitled "Abbey In An Oak Forest" by Casper David Friedrich.    Most people perceive it as a depressing piece, but there is something in the faint light, through the broken Abbey window that sets a sense of peace inside of me. I have always loved this haunting picture as to me it's sad and lovely at the same time.  Long ago, in  my collage days, I wrote a short story about this painting for my Art History class called "Where Are My Monks?".  I've always thought the grave stones in the forefront were tiny monks coming to visit the abandoned Abbey.  I still see it that way.  To me, I'm the Abbey and my friends and family are my monks.  That's how I get through the winter blues, trying to surround myself with people I love.  When I retire, I plan to live somewhere warn and sunny, so the blues can't visit, but my monks can always come by and stay for awhile.