What Does Your Gut Tell You

What Does Your Gut Tell You? That gut instinct, the feeling deep inside that whispers when a situation is not right.  Sometimes it is hard to hear that voice over what others tell you to do, or when you simply don't want to hear the truth.  But the reality is, the longer you ignore it, the louder it will become, until you have no choice but take your gut's advice. 

My gut was the one to tell me I didn't want children; that was a difficult pill to swallow living around friends and family who had children and I expected myself to just have them.  But my gut spoke up enough times for me to know in my heart child-rearing was not my path in life.  And after firmly making that decision I have never once felt I missed out on something that having a child could bring. 

More recently, I've certainly hated my guts for screaming at me to take care of my physical self.  When I hurt my SI joint over a month ago I figured it would be a quick fix- little rest, hot tub time, and a few visits with my chiropractor and massage therapist, and I'd be back on my yoga mat where I belonged.  That hasn't been the case and as a result I became beyond frustrated and angry that my body wouldn't perform how I wanted it to.  So instead of taking the advice from the specialists I pushed myself back before I was ready and low and behold I re- injured myself.  Six weeks later I'm still dealing with the pain but the difference is I realized I had to take a hiatus from yoga until I'm completely better.  I remember sitting in yoga class in tears because all I could do was sit and watch, the pain was too much to try any pose.  My gut had finally gotten through to me and with much chagrin I put my membership on hold for the first time in three years. But instead of feeling angry I feel a sense of relief.  By truly listening to my gut I have gained a sense of relief knowing this is where I'm supposed to be right now.  My instinct now is to retreat and not fight. And I'm getting better, bit by bit.  Soon I'll rejoin my community of yogis. 

Now comes to something that I've been struggling with and every Billings and so forth.  So you ask what's the big deal? Do it!  It will help your chances of getting published!  That's the goal, isn't it, who cares how.   This is true, so I did just that, I changed the names of cities and towns and some details that were very Canadian to help disguise my book as American.  You know what happened?  It didn't read authentic or true.  It felt fake. And I hate it.
time I ask my gut, it tells me to stick to my guns no matter what others say.  For a long time, years actually, I have struggled with this decision, and it invades my thoughts often when I write- Do I change the locations of my manuscript from Canadian to American?  Those who not only know me but have also been kind enough to read Marbles and Wine know how Canadian I am and the story itself.  So the answer seems natural to keep it in Canada, why not?  Well here is the rub.  In the publishing world it is really difficult to get a book published in Canada, most books are published in the U.S as they have the most well known publishing houses.  And the majority of the Women's Lit population reside in America, which means it is easier to market a book set in America.  And everyone I have spoke to in the publishing world agrees that I should change Vancouver to Seattle and Calgary to

So now I'm back where I started, do I keep it American or go back to Canadian?  Well with time to think off my yoga mat, swimming laps in a pool, where I can let my mind wander for an hour, I listened to my gut.  It has been telling me the same thing for years about this quandary.  Keep it Canadian.  It doesn't matter if a major publishing house takes it; it might better suited at a local publisher in Vancouver and my West Coast audience will appreciate the local flare and shout- outs to familiar locations.  With that decided I guess I'll have to edit once again. 

I'm 40'and I Couldn't Be Happier

I'm 40 and I couldn't be happier. Most cringe at the idea but I for one embrace this new age.  I see it as a rite of passage, or an opportunity to embrace the person I have become and say goodbye to the people and things that don't serve me.

I spent my 20s having fun but also lost.  Many moments I'd never want to relive. My 30s were spent figuring out who I am and my 40s will be loving just that person.  For the past decade I've experienced significant life events that have shaped who I am.  The biggest being my divorce nine years ago.  I left what appeared to be a cookie cutter charmed life- new townhouse, fancy vacations, and a husband who loved me.  However under the surface was a myriad  of problems; long story short I asked for a separation followed quickly by a divorce.  It was a defining moment in my life.  The hardest decision I've ever made. And when I look back now it was the best decision. It taught me that I am damn strong and that I can be independent.  Before then I never lived in my own and when I left my ex I had to rent a basement suite and live alone.  That experience taught me how to be okay with just myself.  It gave me time to figure out what I wanted in life and to not settle for anything less.

When I met my current husband we spent the better past of our first six months together discussing the "big 5" topics all couples should iron out before they make a serious commitment- money, lifestyle, kids, future goals and sex.  Neither of us wanted to waste time tiptoeing around these subjects only to find out we were not on the same page and it was too late. Through this time I came to fully see the future I wanted and kids were not in that picture.  As it turned out Scott felt the same way in all the other aspects too.

Not having children was the next biggest decision in my life.  But choosing not to be a mother in a kidcentric society has not proved to be easy, especially when it comes to friendships.  Many of you who have followed my blog know that I have struggled to maintain friendships after kids are brought into the mix.  Some have shifted and lasted and some did not survive.  All the women in my life have children, expect for two.  And most have young children which makes it more challenging.  And because of this I found myself gravitating more to the women in my life who are passed the baby/toddler stage.  And though I miss seeing my other friends I'm not sad about it.

Now that I am 40 I don't regret not having kids.  This was a huge concern for a lot of people in my life but not me.  I don't miss it.  And another thing I have noticed about me is that I have become bolder.  Many people I work with say I exude more confidence and get out of my comfort zone more often.  I speak my mind more both at work and and in my personal life too.  This newly found attitude has led me to say when I don't care for something or don't want to do something and not be sorry about it.   And I have been able to cut out a lot of drama in my life too.

At my 40th birthday last month I took a moment and drank in the party that was happening around me.  I felt so blessed.  In the garden oasis that my husband, family and friends created with magical lighting, decorations and amazing food, were so many of my closest people having a good time.  And what struck me was that not only did they want to be there to celebrate so many of them wanted to pitch in and help.  I didn't have to do a thing.  I am so fortunate to have these people in my life that care for me as much as I do them.

Thanks all!

I'm so excited to see what 40 brings into my life.

Adult Only in Mexico's Hard Rock Heaven

Me and Elvis

On an early morning in March we flew out of sodden Vancouver and landed in sunny Rivera Mayan. It had been four years since our last beach holiday and this was our first adult only vacation,  Add the snowiest winter in decades in Fraser|Valley it was no wonder we beyond elated to be in Mexico.

Dark hues, crisp steel and rock memorabilia met us at every turn when we entered The Hard Rock Resort.  Like rock royalty, from the moment we entered the lush resort, we wanted for nothing.  With a cold margarita in our hands we walked into our luxurious ocean view suite to find a chilled bottle of champagne and desserts, congratulating us on our anniversary and my up coming birthday. Both were presents from our travel agent. That night, after a lovely meal we strolled the moonlit beaches and discovered a martini bar on the ocean,  I adventurously tried a rosemary and cumber drink that sent me to heaven.

The next morning I marveled at sun streaming through the window and thought yes I am living in heaven, which was exactly what this side of the resort was called. The Hard Rock has two sides, one for families and one for adults only.  And I had to admit I was thrilled to not have to listen or watch kids running around being disruptive during my vacation. So my goal was to spend as much time as possible on the Heaven side. This proved to be easy as everything we needed, including the spa was on our side.

We began our first full day with a couples massage. Where we were waited on during the entire time in the spa- from the change room, to the hydro therapy room to the actual massage. It was sublime. So during the 10 day stay we visited five more times.

Another perk we took advantage of were our personal assistants. At first we felt awkward having an assistant do things for us as we are very independent people, but after the first day it was amazing. Tony and Daniel booked all our spa appointments, dinner reservations, Bali beach beds, and made sure we were very comfortable in our room with extra creature comforts. And to top it off they surprised us by preparing a romantic bath for when we arrived back to our room one night.  On another occasion they filled the room with balloons for my birthday, which for me was magical.

Main beach with Bali beds

Most of our days were spent laying at the beach.  We quickly learned that reserving Bali beds, which are luxurious beach lounge chairs that are in a covered structure, were the best way to enjoy the hot days.  Having a place for shade or a comfortable bed to relax on after swimming or snorkeling made the days even heavenlier. And what put it over the top was the food and drink service.  Fresh lobster, prawns, and fruit appetizers with chilled wine took the experience to the next level.  On the days we didn't get a bed we hung by the pool or cooled down in one of the cool tubs, which appeared to be hot tubs but were filled with cold water.  My husband was a little more adventurous than I as he tried scuba diving and deep sea fishing, while I read and people watched.

Our private beach

Nights were centered around watching the live bands before drinks in the night club or a quieter time back at the martini bar.  One night we ventured into the actual club where the music and dancing took place, and it was the most bizarre set up I'd ever seen.  There was an actual pool in the middle of the dance floor.  We didn't go in but there were a few inebriated "boys" taking a dip in their dress clothes.

Scott Fishing 

Ten days in heaven was truly out of this world; a trip of a life time.  I hope one to be able to go back.