Through work and other various functions, I've been meeting a lot of new people lately, and the number one question is still do you have kids? A societal norm, especially for women my age. Most women in their late thirties have at least one if not two kids. But I don't. And it's so interesting to see people's reactions when I reply no. Men tend to simply accept it and don't try to analyze or qualify my answer in any means. They get it. But women are different, they judge. Some grimace and nod their heads and say don't worry you will one day. It takes time they say. I sigh and explain that I don't want them and never really have. If I tell people that I'm a teacher then most times it shuts them up, because in their eyes having students makes up for it. But if I don't mention that tidbit of info I get shock and sometimes preachy responses; like I'll regret it or that I'm missing out.
Missing out, I want to say, on what? a person who takes over your entire life, sleepless nights, whining, crying, grimy hands, someone who will destroy my house, and possibly my marriage. No thanks. I'm not missing out.
And I love it when women try to convince me at a party that I should have kids because it will be different with my own, and that somehow I'll feel differently holding my new born. As though my choice, which took years in the making, is going to be suddenly over- turned by a woman gripping a wine glass, who knows nothing about me. It's the same women who never ask why I don't want kids, who go into a myriad reasons why I should. It's my job as a woman, I need to fulfill my duty, my societal obligation. And my favourite: I'll never experience what it's like to give birth or breast feed. I've never swam with crocodiles but I can honestly say I don't need to experience it to know I don't want to.
I'm sure for women who truly wanted children they don't regret their decision. But let's be honest there are women out there who are regretting their decision about motherhood. It's almost impossible to change your mind once you become a mom. These are the ones who thought motherhood was Pinterest activities and cute Facebook posts about little Johnny. They didn't realize the enormity of the job and how life consuming it is. There has to be women out there who long for their old lives back. A time when they'd go out with friends at a moments notice, take a nap, or literally do as they pleased without a worry. Trust me as an outsider it is astonishing to see how much people change when they have kids. There isn't much that we have in common, or that is what it seems as they only talk about the baby and only about the baby. It's like the rest of their lives literally disappeared.
To all the people out there who think I should have children because they are worried about who is going to take care of me when I'm wrinkled and grey; I'm not worried so you shouldn't be.
Rest assured my decision was a long time in the making and I have many reasons for foregoing motherhood. And since most don't ask and assume I hate kids (which I don't) I thought I'd end this post with my top 3 reasons, in case you were wondering:
3. Over Population: already there are too many humans on this planet and since we are living longer there certainly doesn't need to be any extra, especially ones that are unwanted.
2. Love My Life: this sounds selfish but I do love my lifestyle. I feel I have cultivated a life that I adore and I'm always searching for ways to better myself. It took a long time to get to know me and I don't want to lose that sense of self. I let that happen once and I'll never do it again.
1. A Lasting Marriage: though this isn't a guarantee I think without kids my husband and I have a better shot of succeeding than couples who are parents. I've put my marriage as my top priority and I know I couldn't do that with kids.
