In search for a word to encompass my life for 2015 I had to deeply reflect on the past year, and this is what I came to realize. I spent the better part of 2014 running to stand still. This paradox is the only way I can describe how I spent most of my days. Getting caught up in the stress of balancing a demanding career, a clean house with home cooked meals, being completely present with my husband, working on a new manuscript, and trying to maintain a healthy/thin body I became completely spent. I actually found myself acting like the white rabbit from Alice In Wonderland- running around saying' Time, time, who's got the time?' I certainly didn't feel like I had time to breathe and be present in the moment, with the exception in yoga. I was so starved for down-time I started practicing yoga 6 times a week I hopes to find some peace. Guess what? I didn't. I actually became more stressed because I was losing time at home with my husband. This wasn't adding up.
I have come to realize I can't keep this pace and be happy or healthy. It needs to slow down. So unless I can convince Gordon Ramsay to come cook for us everyday and hire a cleaning lady, I need to find the fine balance. I need to figure out my priorities and what I value and focus on that. And that's the easy part, the hard part is maintaining that.
So I thought time or balance might be the new words, but I was unsure what this was going to look like. Then on Dec 31st I was lucky enough to participate in a yoga class where we set our intentions for the year. And the more I meditated on my situation I finally came to see the light.
I created my Sankalpa (heart felt intention) for 2015:
Through mindful actions I have balance within my life. Through mindful actions I have health and strength. Through mindful actions I have gratitude.
By saying this over and over I can find the peace I need.
