Baby Not

Even before Scott and I tied the knot people have been asking the age old question "So when are you having kids?"  And since that is what mainstream society is doing at our age, it is a normal assumption to think we are.  So we always calmly answer, "We aren't."  After our reply it is rare to hear the question, "Why?"  Instead most people react by saying such things as "oh you'll change your minds", or "don't worry in a few years you'll be pregnant, and having a baby will be the best thing you can do for your marriage."  But hardly does anyone one ask "why?"  It has been my perception that people don't want to know the real reasons as they have already decided them for themselves, and would rather preach about parenthood trying to convert us.  I suspect that a lot of people, excluding my close friends and family, think Scott and I are selfish people, who hate children.  Or that we made this decision as one would choose a bottle of wine or what to eat for dinner.  All of these perceptions are false about us and are for many childfree couples.  For Scott and I, we both love children.  How could I not? I chose teaching as a profession.  We also have two nieces whom we love dearly.  When they lived close by we saw them on a regular basis.

As for making the decision not to be parents, well that took almost a year to decide.  In my early twenty's I will admit that I assumed I'd bear children.  It is what you do as a woman.  At times I think society makes us believe that you aren't a woman unless you give birth to a baby.  So in my first marriage I went along with a lot of social conventions.   Though when that union ended sans bambino, I wasn't sad.  Instead I felt liberated.  When I met Scott we talked about the baby issue almost everyday for a year, going back and forth should we or shouldn't we.  The end result for us was that we didn't want children.  They didn't fit into our life goals.  And the only reasons I could think of to have one were- buying adorable clothes, and fitting in with my circle of friends who were baby bound.  To which, my wise sister informed me that I could buy cute clothes for my nieces and friends' children, and that having a baby to fit in was a bad idea.  She understood that I had no desire for motherhood.  Now don't get me wrong, people who truly feel this burning need to reproduce should have them.  Those are the people who make fine parents.  But all too often there are couples who think a baby is an easy fix for a failing marriage, and of course you have people who are irresponsible and end up having one and later resenting the child.  Those like my "fitting in" theory are bad reasons.

So for those of you who do not know why I don't want a child of my own, I thought I'd give you my top 3 reasons.

1. My Career
As a full time secondary school teacher I come into contact with approx 120 teenagers daily in my classroom.  I think teenagers are awesome and I give 100% of my attention and patience to them.  By the end of the day I am done.  Not only have I taught them, I have parented many, counselled a handful and refereed a few, so by the time I get home I barely have enough energy to give to my loving husband and dog, let alone myself.  I am marvelled by my colleagues who can successfully do both-be a teacher and a parent.  I find I don't have enough in me to be both at the capacity as I'd want to.  So for me, it is clear that I shouldn't.

2. My Passion and Desire
I love spending time with Scott, just the two of us.  We have a great time just relaxing and talking or going on hikes ect.  And from what I have heard and observed, children don't leave you a lot of time with just your partner, which can be a strain on a marriage.  Both having done it before we know marriage isn't easy, so we have chosen to give ourselves the best shot by taking away some stress.  And please don't tell me a baby brings you closer, maybe emotionally, but not physically.

And then there is the other passion in my life: writing.  As I'm trying to complete my first novel, while working full time, it is difficult to find time to write now.  I can't imagine where I'd find the time to fulfill my inherit desire to write with children running around.  As some women having this aching need to have a baby; I feel the same about writing.  It makes me feel whole.

3. Environment
Our planet is quickly becoming over populated, as modern medicine progresses so does the population.  People are living longer and we aren't slowing down in the reproduction end of the spectrum either, therefore more people with less resources to go around.  So it would be irresponsible for me to have a child when I don't have that strong urge to procreate.  Again, I think people who have the urge to have children should satisfy this need.

So next time you meet a person who doesn't want children, instead of telling them they will regret it, just simply ask why with an open mind.  You might be surprised at what you will learn.

Cork and Keg Night Out

Last Friday night Scott and I got all dressed up with a few friends and headed "down town", not Vancouver but down town Langley for the Fraser Valley Cork and Keg-Wine and Beer Festival.  This type of event is something I have wanted to attend for a while, but somehow never got around to going.  Usually when I see the adverts for events in Langley and beyond, I immediately say to myself "yeah I'd love to go", and then I never follow through with buying tickets or I come up with an excuse as to why we shouldn't go.  But this time I decided to just do it.  So with our hot tickets in hand we entered the convention room at the Cascades Casino, and took it all in.  There were over a dozen vendors with plenty of samples to feed and water the large forming crowd.  It had been a long time since Scott and I had been out on a date, besides our usual dinner out, once a month, to the usual places.  So I was overjoyed to share this experience with him.  It felt like when we first started dating four years ago, going out to fabulous places and trying new things.  Our friends who came with us, also had a great time.  What made it so easy was that we could split up in various combinations and satisfy all of our cravings.  The boys took off for a while sampling the local breweries, tasting light summer blondes to dark ales.  Us girls took to sampling wines, starting with a local vineyard Neck of the Woods and their Nosey Neighbor blend, which we thought was appropriate considering how close we are. All four of us ate these "perfect bites" that the local, "non-chain" joints were cooking up for us.  Deep fried pickles and turkey sliders from Town Hall Langley to decadent cheese from Keso Cheese and cupcakes from Frosting to satisfy our sweet tooth.  Scott tried oysters for the first time from 1 Fish 2 Fish, our local fish monger.  As the evening wore on Scott and I, with lightness in our feet, got into the wine tasting groove that we had on our honeymoon.  So many light Pinot Noirs, and Cab blends from BC to Australia to try that we couldn't keep track.  By the time we were back out in the night air, waiting for our cab to drive us home, I realized a few things.  One- it is too easy to fall into the comfortable routine of just staying home and watching TV, night after night.  And although our hectic schedules during the week leave us feeling too exhausted to do much more than just sit on the couch, it doesn't mean our weekends should be the same.  So I want to try to go to an event or do an activity at least once a month as a reminder that Scott and I are a married couple with a pretty open and flexible schedule, so we should take advantage of it.  I also learned that the Fraser Valley and especially Langley has lots to offer and we need to support our local businesses as much as we can.  So who is up for a local wine tour this Fall?  Or a trip out to eat oysters at "The Fat Cow and Oyster Bar"?

Reflections On A Summer That Used to Be

The scent of crisp leaves hangs slightly in the late afternoon air, which can only mean that summer is almost on the way out. With this realization I reflect back on what can be described as my best summer yet, and gone are my days of pure leisure.  Since I am a school teacher I am one of the fortunate few to have an entire 8 weeks off in a row.  For some teachers this can be a daunting idea with entertaining "wee-ones" all day or just trying to stay busy.  However, I never have these problems as I'm child free, and I find I stay pretty busy with everyday things.  I have the luxury of only having to worry about myself and I can indulge in what I like call "The Summer of Margo"  This summer's focus was writing, health, spending time with people who I love and care about and who do the same for me.  And it was a success!  Here are some of my favourite moments:

Top 10 summer moments. (no particular order)

1. Berry Picking with my niece Tyla and my mom.  This day was fantastic-ripe raspberries and strawberries and super sunny.

2. My wedding at Rockwater. So magical

3. Last Date Day with Tyla; swimming, lunch at Whitespot and hula-hoop contests.

4. Sitting in my backyard reminiscing with my sister, after a garden dinner, as her daughters- Tyla and Emry ran around with their uncle Scott.

Church and State Winery

5. Delicious hours of writing my novel "It's Like Holding a Marble In My Mouth" in the backyard

6. Tasting delectable wines with Scott on our 8 hour wine tour in Oliver BC, with this rad couple from Calgary.  How perfect: two child free couples spending the day tasting wine and dishing about travel, while admiring the breathtaking views. 

7.Road trip Honeymoon in BC

8.Wonderful "girl's nights", with some fabulous women.

9.Sharing a bottle of wine with my sister on a random Tuesday night.  Staying up late and having one of our special chats right before she moved away.  Missing my best friend Lesly like she was my left arm and someone ripped it off.

 

10.Finishing the two year renovations on the exterior of the house.  Thanks again to the gang that helped out over the years.

There you have it folks.  My summer started off with a great bang at a friend's wedding in July and is now winding down with 'old school' hot tub nights with my BW peeps.

Tell me about your Top 10 Summer Moments

Hotel on our Honeymoon