Through Mindful Actions...

It's that time of year again when I choose a word to help set an intention for the next 365 days.  2014's word was BREATHE.  In 177 yoga practices this past year I do believe I did a fair amount of breathing.  In class I could be zen; outside of class I really did try to maintain the stillness, but there were times I couldn't keep the stress at bay.  But I did find myself breathing more deeply when I needed to calm down and take a beat.

In search for a word to encompass my life for 2015 I had to deeply reflect on the past year, and this is what I came to realize.  I spent the better part of 2014 running to stand still.  This paradox is the only way I can describe how I spent most of my days. Getting caught up in the stress of balancing a demanding career, a clean house with home cooked meals, being completely present with my husband, working on a new manuscript, and trying to maintain a healthy/thin body I became completely spent.  I actually found myself acting like the white rabbit from Alice In Wonderland- running around saying' Time, time, who's got the time?'  I certainly didn't feel like I had time to breathe and be present in the moment, with the exception in yoga.  I was so starved for down-time I started practicing yoga 6 times a week I hopes to find some peace.  Guess what?  I didn't.  I actually became more stressed because I was losing time at home with my husband.  This wasn't adding up.

I have come to realize I can't keep this pace and be happy or healthy.  It needs to slow down.  So unless I can convince Gordon Ramsay to come cook for us everyday and hire a cleaning lady, I need to find the fine balance.  I need to figure out my priorities and what I value and focus on that.  And that's the easy part, the hard part is maintaining that.

So I thought time or balance might be the new words, but I was unsure what this was going to look like.  Then on Dec 31st I was lucky enough to participate in a yoga class where we set our intentions for the year.  And the more I meditated on my situation I finally came to see the light.

I created my Sankalpa (heart felt intention) for 2015:

Through mindful actions I have balance within my life.  Through mindful actions I have health and strength.  Through mindful actions I have gratitude. 

By saying this over and over I can find the peace I need.

Reflection of 2014

As December 2014 winds down with only a few more days on this years calendar I find myself reflecting back on the past twelve months and marveling on how fast they sped by.  2014 met us with our usual daily life routines, you know the ones that get in the way to really living, but there is always comfort in the routine.  However routine is never exciting to highlight, so here are the moments that made imprints in our hearts or brightly coloured our ordinary daily lives.

Jan/Feb: The most profound event in Jan was the passing of my Nan on Jan 25th.  Her death rocked our family as she was the grounding to our family's foundation.  She was the last of my grandparents to leave the earth and it saddens me to think they are all gone.

On a brighter note though, January was the month I finished my first manuscript: Marbles and Wine.  And many copies were distributed to various honest friends to have a read through and provide feedback.  Most have long since finished and helped me fine tune my masterpiece.

March: After some busy months working hard, both Scott and I needed a rest, so Sechelt  was our first pick.  The ocean air and calming surroundings rejuvenated us completely.  This trip turned out to be our only vacation away for 2014, besides Shuswap.  Hopefully 2015 will bring forth more travel.

April: One of the biggest highlights for me this year was a visit from my friend Erin.  She traveled far from Fort Smith to hang out with me and observe my teaching practice in the hopes of fine tuning some of her own.  I really think that was a cover so we could finally see one another after 9 years apart.  And from the moment she stepped off the plane, to the minute she had to return to the airport three days later, we never stopped talking.  It literally was like old times.  We hung around Fort Langley, relaxed at my place, went for a fine dinner at The WAG.

Her trip ended, and within hours my sister and her family came to visit for Easter.  This was another highlight of 2014.  Having them stay with us was so much fun.  My sister and I chatted well into the wee hours every night.  My nieces brought huge life and laughter in our little home.  And my brother in-law had us in stitches with his funny stories and jokes.  Between the egg hunt and big family dinners it was epic.

May/June: We slowed down again for the rest of Spring, until June.  Then I started summer vacation weeks earlier as job action hit it's peak- full walk -out until mid Sept.  This was the damper on summer travel.

July: Feeling utterly worn out and defeated I packed up Triggs in my car and we had a week to ourselves in Shuswap.  This was a new adventure as I had never really traveled alone with a dog before.  It was great just relaxing in the warm Okanagan sun, reading, writing and doing nothing.  Then within a few weeks I was back up there again to celebrate my nieces fourth birthday with the whole family.  Then the following week Scott and I, with Triggs in tow, had a relaxing four days at the cabin.  We arrived on our anniversary to find the cabin without power, but that didn't kill the romance.  We lit candles and watched the storm roll by.  The rest of the time we enjoyed the warm days and cool nights.  We even kayaked with Triggs.

Aug: After being fully recharged we came back and built a deck.  What a crazy fun project.  Who knew my husband could design and build a deck?  Once completed we had a few dinners at the outdoor dinning table with friends and family.  Scott's sister also came for a quick visit that month and then came back in late Oct for another.

Sept: To distract me from the fact I wasn't going back to work right away I hosted a Reader's Dinner for all the people who read "Marbles and Wine".  Not everyone could make it, but for those that did I have to say it was one of the best nights.  We sat under the stars, ate food inspired by the novel, drank wine and talked about the book.  It was incredible for me to have others take such pleasure in reading it and want to discuss it too.

Scott went hunting in late Sept and came back with a big moose.  It was also the time I finally got to go back to work.

Oct: Back in the full swing of things I was pleased to have a low-key Thanksgiving with our dear friends Jonny and Lisa at their home.  And then later that month Scott and I hosted a rockin' pirate party for Halloween.  It was one party for the record books.

Nov/Dec: Normally we go away in Nov, but this year we didn't have the time.  Scott was busy with work and so was I.  However Scott did take up the guitar and is doing quiet well with it. December was our busiest month.  Lots of parties and events going on.  We even took a trip to Vancouver with the neighbor crew and started a new tradition of "field trips".  This time was to Gourmet Warehouse, Peaceful Restaurant and Stanley Park.  No homework on this "fieldtrip."

Dec 21st started the epic week of family time, as my sister and her brood came for Christmas.  Between dinners, and outings it was a whirl wind of fun!

In between all of this were many trips to the yoga studio, where I learned to breathe.  Here's to another 365 days of awesomeness.

Where do you belong?

Being apart of a group; the feeling of belonging is a very vital and basic human need in order to live healthy, and balanced lives.  Earlier this year my English 11 students and I embarked on a journey to explore the aspect of belonging and how it related to human beings.  What we learned was outstanding.  We discovered that a person needs to belong on some level in order to live a happy life; loneliness can be dangerous and life threatening; social media, thought to bring people together, can actually give one a sense of false friendship, and can lead to loneliness and depression; and finally to find satisfaction in friendships one must have face-to-face time or at the very least phone conversations, in order to achieve a true connection with another person- a confidant.  A digital friendships maybe convenient but they aren't as fulfilling as the real thing.

These lessons were not so shocking to me, as I have struggled with the theme of belonging and friendship for years.  I know that friendships are tricky to maintain in your adult life and require effort on both sides for it to work.  Think about it.  As a kid we have instant friendships through pre-arranged play dates and countless hours at school, where you have a sea of other kids to choose from to become friends with.  Considering you spend most of your day with your classmates you can easily maintain a friendship.  But once we enter the adult world we busy ourselves with careers, and finding a mate, so the time dedicated to seeing friends becomes less.  We end up whittling our pool of friends down to a few close bonds.  Add marriage and children to the mix and the close friends you once saw weekly, and told your secrets to, have become mere Facebook friends in a digital world.  Now if you are lucky your BFF and you have journeyed down the same life path, so you still have common interests and it might be easy to see one another and maintain a close bond.  This type of bond is the key to a friendship and the way to nurture it is by spending time together.  But far too often we take the easy way out and think the easy digital world is just as effective in keeping friendships alive.  Just a few clicks and you are on FB where you can creep into one anothers lives and in a matter of minutes know the status updates of dozens of friends.  But at the end of the day do you feel connected to these people?  Probably not.  As you yourself post only the 'best version' of your life online, so do others, so we don't really know one another.  Could you call these people and have a real conversation about how you are really feeling?  If you stick to just quick posts and status updates as a means to connect you will find yourself feeling the opposite, disconnected and lonely.

I, for one, am not a stranger to feeling disconnected from women who I once considered my close friends.  For years we'd spend a least twice a month getting together and catching up over food and wine.  We'd confess secrets and ask advice, like most close female friends do.  We were like the characters from Sex and The City, but without the high fashion.

Then slowly my group that I belonged to only saw one another every second month to the point where we sort of lost contact.  Our lives became too busy to see each other.  One friend of mine in particular moved away without telling me.  I wouldn't have found out unless I hadn't called her in the summer to arrange a lunch date with her.  Instead I discovered she moved to another city.  At first I was deeply hurt and confused about why she hadn't told me.  We used to be so close.  I knew more about her and she me than numerous of other people did.  When the hurt subsided I realized that over the last two years we had drifted a part.  Between her having her first child and me focusing on a new marriage we didn't make the effort to call one another, and we didn't see each other very often.  Both of us were to blame.  I soon realized that the group I once called "my close few" were all scattered like dried leaves in the wind.  Our lives didn't connect any more because we all led such different lives.  And its no one person's fault.  And though I still consider them friends, as we never had fights to dissolve our relationships, I don't feel as though I belong with them as my confidants.

It's hard to maintain friendships without similar interests and experiences.  I'm not saying you can't; I'm saying it is hard.  My best friend lives in another city and she is a mom, but we still make the effort to call one another.  I know I can talk to her over the phone and still feel the strong connection that we have always had.  I also have a new circle of friends that I feel I belong to, and the reason is simply because we spend time together outside of the digital world.  There is nothing more satisfying than to have a person next to you and see them actually listening to you and caring about what you have to say.  Even a phone call can give texture to a friendship.  I'm lucky to have these women in my life.

Furthermore, digital friendships are hollow and can be very one sided.  There is nothing worse than when you want to connect to another person but they don't make the effort to reciprocate back.  A strong friendship is a two way street, where both people put in the time and effort.  I'm tired of those interactions where I make all the effort to plan a night out or just go for a cup of coffee, and all I get in return are text messages and FB posts on my status updates.  It's not a friendship.

I've learned that it isn't the number of friends on FB you have but the number of actual moments with just a few people that truly matter.  I challenge you to pick up the phone and call a friend you haven't talked to in a long time.  The sound of a friend's voice is priceless.  It's the sound of belonging.

Parent Sanctuary

Do you have a place you can go and just let go?  A place you can find some solitude or have an uninterrupted thought?  Maybe you have a place you can retreat to to enjoy a warm meal and glass of wine without having to tend to wee ones?  Well my parent- friends can found that place at my house.

After the birth of their first baby one of our friends mentioned to my husband how great it was to hang out at our place with no crying baby or children decor.  Those are things we take for granted as we don't have them.  After a classic childfree evening with the same group of friends our home became known as"the parent sanctuary."  I thought it was cute.  And the more I pondered this idea of my house being a parent refuge, a place parents can hide- out and recharge their weary selves, the more I felt good about it.  As much as parents love their children they need a break from time to time.  Just as I love my dog there are times when its nice not having the furry guy around.  It's time for just me.  For many years, Scott and I struggled or felt guilty for wanting to throw adult -only parties. People seemed offended that we wouldn't invite their offspring to our house, but as time went by I got over feeling badly about it.  I realized there are plenty of times we go to parties where there are kids, so why do our gatherings need to include children, when we don't have them ourselves? Our house isn't equipped for tiny humans, and even if it was, there are times when adults need to let lose, which can be hard when babies and toddlers are watching your every action and word.  So now most of our invites are adult -only simply because it is easier for us and with the nick-name Parent Sanctuary it is easier to suggest a childfree evening.  Because let's face it everyone deserves a break from time to time.

My Book Baby Update

Over the last few weeks people have been asking "how's the book coming?"  To which I reply "which one?"  My seven year writing journey has certainly not ended, but taken on a forked path.  My first manuscript titled Marbles and Wine (formerly titled It's Like Holding A Marble In my Mouth) is complete.  I finished it back in early January of this year, so I let a few of my friends read it and encouraged them to give me feedback.  And they did!  In late Sept I hosted a Reader's Dinner for my gracious reader's to come and discuss Marbles and Wine and tell me what it needed.  After a lovely meal and of course wine, all of us debated about characters, favourite scenes, and actors who would play the main parts.  We had a great time.  I took note of the parts that needed fine tuning, and I spoke to others who could not make it and got their feedback too.  So now I truly feel Marbles and Wine is complete, well complete enough for a publisher.  This next step is tricky and complicated to say the least, but I'm working on it.  I have contacted a few publishers and just need to be patient for their replies.  In the mean time I will contact more and some literary agents to help spread the word.

With that book to bed I have begun another manuscript titled Hunter's Wife (and no it is not about Scott and I.) However our dog Triggs is in this one, with lots of other strange characters that reside in a fictional town called Raven's Harbour.  And I'm loving where this book is going.  The lead characters Gillian and Reinar came to me this summer and demanded their story to be told.  I don't know where they will all end up, but I do know, they are fun to write about.  What's neat about them is that they both have careers I think I'd like to have- Chef at a Hunting Lodge and Feature's Reporter at the local paper.  Since I'm not an expert in these fields I'm doing a lot of research for this novel, so if any chefs or reporters want to lend an ear I'd love to bounce ideas off of you.  There is a hunting aspect as well, but I think I have that covered with Scott.  Another neat aspect is that unlike Marbles and Wine there is a male narrator and at times a more masculine tone, so that might appeal to a larger audience.

My projections with Hunter's Wife is to have a draft done by Summer 2015, if real life doesn't get in the way...

So I guess you can say I have two book babies.

Decade of Teaching

It just occurred to me the other day when I was chatting with one of my dear friends, whom I met in university, that this September will be our tenth year of teaching. A whole decade! Wow, time flew by.  For me it still feels like yesterday that I began my career as a bright eyed, naive teacher, ready to take on the world.  But it wasn't yesterday, it was Sept 24th 2004. My first teaching assignment was a .40 job share at North Surrey Secondary, teaching English 8, 9, 11, Comm 12,and Wr12.  That was also the year I did my only stint as a TOC.  A position that I'd never want to do again, but it's one I think all teachers should endure, as that's where I learnt my classroom management skills, found the schools I like working in, and it made me appreciate my own room when I got one.

The following year I landed a full time gig at Sullivan Heights, where I have resided for the past nine years. But my course load sure has changed over the years.  I started as the drama teacher and soon realized I'd be better suited for a full time English position.  In order to do that I had to wheel and deal over the next few years to achieve that.  In the mean time, while teaching drama, I had lots of fun playing games, writing scripts with students, and putting on several shows.

 Then as the years went on I gained a few blocks of English by taking on the program most English teachers don't want- Communications. This is where most of the clientele need a different approach to education.  It was here that I learned the value of good rapport with your students.  In a Comm class this is paramount. They need to be able to trust you and feel like you are on their side, but you also need boundaries.  If you can attain this then the students will be on your side.  It works with regular classes too, but Comm kids need more of an ear to listen than a lecturer.

This was also the time in my career that I was a travelling teacher.  I had a home-base in the drama room, but as the semesters moved along and I picked up English courses, I had to teach in other teacher's classrooms.  I did this for a few years and killed myself every year. It was exhausting running from one end of the school to the other, towing a crap load of materials with you.  I'd always forget something along the way.  I've been very fortunate to have my room for awhile now, and I can't imagine doing that again.  My heart goes out yo the new teachers that do it all the time.

Now I'm a full time English teacher and far from being a newbie.  But I still don't consider myself a veteran.  I'm still learning new ways to fine tune my classroom management skills and hone my teaching practice.  It seems each year I try to incorporate something new.  The past two years I focused on technology in the classroom, which had it's up and downs.  This year I want to take on a more social/emotional approach to teaching.  Getting students to be more aware of their emotions and how to control them a bit better is a goal of mine.  Not to mention I want to have them spend less time on their devices and more time focusing of their studies, and interacting with one another.  You'd be surprised at how many students are afraid to talk to a fellow student they don't know.  Many have a hard time making friends in school, and I'm hoping to help with that.

These past 10 years have not been easy by any means.  There were lots of moments I wanted to give up and search for a new career path, one that wasn't so demanding.  It's the only job that you are 'on' from the moment you step into the building, with so many people dependent on you and your mood.  If you start off in a bad mood, chances are the rest of your day will be challenging.  Everyday I have to watch what I say and do, as everything I do and say are scrutinized by students, colleagues and admin.  Well it's usually the students who notice your new outfit or that your shirt is inside out. Yes that happened to me.  As well as, I have spilled an entire smoothie down the front of me while lecturing a group of sixteen-year-olds.  Oh, there are so many things I've done that are embarrassing.  At least my students know I'm human.  My job at work is not just teacher, but a counsellor, parent, police officer, role model, and at times a glorified babysitter.  There are times I feel like a juggler trying to keep all the balls going, get everything done, and try to drink a cup of coffee without it getting cold.

But my job is never boring.  In ten years I have had some bizarre things happen in my classroom, like boys duking it out, girls crying, spontaneous dance offs, witches and many different types of Shakespearean characters visited, political debates, and silly debates about the best food to eat when you are feeling sad.  Students have left me speechless after their presentations, wowed me with their achievements, and made me see life in a different light.  And if you ask any of my colleagues who teach near by you'd know at least once a day I break out laughing.  My students make me laugh everyday. What other job does that happen?

I may complain from time to time about the things they didn't teach us in Teacher's school, like all the politics around teaching, but it's something I love doing.  I love September and the start of another new school year.  It holds so much promise.  So I hope this Sept I get to celebrate in my classroom with my new students.

Cotton Anniversary (year 2)

It has been 730 days of wedded bliss!  Okay maybe not every moment could be described as blissful, but so far these past two years of marriage have been good, and our 2nd wedding anniversary vacation was pretty amazing.

Beach Time

Just like last year, Scott and I, with our dog Triggs, managed to get away from reality for about a week.  This in itself was considered an epic feat as Scott hasn't had more than a few days off in one stretch for about a year now.  His young business SMT Cabinets and Millwork has been keeping him pretty busy in the last year; not that we are complaining in the least.  It's just that all work and no play makes for a stressed out man and consequently a stressed wife.  So with our anniversary in sight we both agreed Scott needed to push back his work schedule and schedule in some "down time" with me.

Chef Scott with his chicken

So last week we packed up and headed to sunny Shuswap.  We arrived at the cabin Wednesday night in record time to find the the place without power.  Usually that would have put a damper on the vacay mood, but we made the best of it; in actuality it created spontaneous romance- candles, nothing to do but sit on the deck and watch the millions of stars (which are normally hidden from the lights of near by cabin ect).  We drank wine and reminisced about our wedding day and finally got a chance to reconnect.  The next day it poured rain but the weather didn't wash out our plans, as we didn't have any.  That's right, we did something so foreign, so radical called - NOTHING.  With rain as our backdrop and only a chilled -out dog to care for, we hunkered down on the deck armed with coffee and Handyman magazines for Scott and Food Network magazines for me.  Then for countless hours we read and relaxed.  After a lengthy nap Scott and I adorned aprons and created a feast for dinner; menu being grilled corn on the cob, summer salad, and BBQ spatchcock chicken (butterflied whole chicken) in Scott's special spice blend and Quail's Gate Pinot Noir..

As the week waxed on, we got into the habit of sleeping late (8ish, since the alarm at home goes off at 5), reading on the deck while drinking coffee, and then after brunch heading to the beach.  Friends of ours lent us their kayaks and this semi-new activity became one of our favourite past times.  Within 20 mins of our first voyage we were gliding along enthusiastically planning the purchase of our own to tool around the lower mainland with.  Hours floated by while on these vessels and I felt the burn in arms later.

They even came in handy when we had Triggs on the beach with us one day.  He spotted a flock of ducks in the water and swam after them.  These ducks didn't want a new friend but Triggs wasn't taking no for an answer, so Scott paddled out into the lake to redirect Triggs before he would drown.  Later that day we got Triggs into a kayak with Scott.  On our last day we were treated to a boat cruise with our lake family.  It was so relaxing and really cool to see the other side of the lake.

After six full days we were all uber relaxed and headed for home.  Little did we know our epic vacation would be slightly prolonged as entering Merritt we discovered the handy #5 HWY to be closed.  This meant rerouting through Spences Bridge to get onto the very slow, but scenic #1 (Fraser Canyon).  Still in our zen state we took this as another opportunity to see new places.  And I actually stayed awake (normally I sleep on the way home from the lake).  6.5 hours we made it home safe and sound.

Here's to another 365 days of wedded bliss.